i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Two words: blizzard sex
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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