the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
