I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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