My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
