I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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