He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
