11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
