Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I checked into jail on foursquare
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
