i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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