Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
