One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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