guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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