THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
