No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
