he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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