You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
