I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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