Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
