"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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