I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
