well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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