you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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