I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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