allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
