You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
