Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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