Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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