i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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