I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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