this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
