hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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