Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
