Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I need help removing her.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
