i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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