i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
