first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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