I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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