I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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