Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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