It's like God shit irony all over that family
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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