it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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