Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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