I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
