I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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