i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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