if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
