I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I pour the whiskey from now on
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
