the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
