I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
