Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
