No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
