We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
