What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
