I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
