Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
