i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
