i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
