I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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