Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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