I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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