just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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