it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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