I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
