i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize