I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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