I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
