I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
