i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
