Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
